Are you depressed?
Depressed! Who me?
How have you come to this conclusion then?
Yes, I cry on and off alllll day, but I'm an emotional person!
So what I don't go out... I have enough to do in my home, where exactly do you want me to go?!
"But you get so frustrated at your kids", Yes, because they are annoying little fuckers?!
Do you ever get dressed? - Well, no, but only cuz it will make more laundry?!
Do you support school events? From home yea 100%, no-one wants me up there, bringing my natural awkwardness and tears that come from no-where!
"Why don't you let your husband go out though"- I do, he goes to work! You mean Socially? No fucking chance, then he'll realise what a freak I am and leave?!
My daughter (12) brings me my freshly ground coffee and apparently tries to wake me.
Approx 07:30 she removes my amazing snuggly quilt which is a sure fire way to get me to respond!
While I drink, my kiddos busy around getting ready for school, they are all pretty self-sufficient now (thanks to Nanna bears boot camp)...
Come 09:00 I'm alone and exhausted. I grab for the remote, my body aches, so I get extra comfy, blanket included and on goes Netflix.
I think to myself, I'll start my day after a nice movie, chill time...
...Roughly 127minutes later I'm reading the suggestion that Netflix is offering me. I'm intrigued! As the seconds count down, do I watch or switch off quick quick, my heart races. You know what fuckit, I deserve to relax...
As I watch my 2nd movie of the morning, I start to get fidgety, like I really should be doing something, I get my notebooks, pens and planner and begin to list stuff, and re-list stuff.
Stuff I already did the day before. But as I got some homework dropped on me by kid4, I'm going to need to re-prioritise and I don't want my page to look a mess or too overwhelming so I start it out again.
Between watching the movie (normally a drama or crime), planning and prepping how my day should look. Then my laptop goes on too, I'll just have a little looksy on Pinterest and try and kick off some inspiration...
My stuff never looks like this I grump to myself, it's all so awesome, this would take me too long to ever achieve, I'd have even more half done projects. I love love love to craft, get so easily distracted with all the material and stamps and shit though...
Pinning away adding lots of crafts, projects and gifts, all of which I'll go back to when I get chance!!! I will, one day!
Did I Eat?
Shit it's 12:00, I still haven't put a wash load on yet. Did I eat?.... I don't think I've had anything since my coffee, oooo I'll have a cup of Tea, I'm hungry, but everything I think of having gives me an uneasy feeling, like I'm about to do a Bushtucker Trial!
- Toast is mushy and heavy
- Cereal, nah, will make me cold
- Porridge, too much effort just for me
- Fruit too cold and crunchy
I'll stick with a cup of Tea I guess... The washers on now, I sit, pinning away. Netflix has paused to check I'm still watching, huh! Of course, keep rolling, on to the 3rd movie...
...13.00... I fill the sink, super hot water, lots of liquid and pile in the stax of cups and plates!
Tears and bubbles
Tears roll for no apparent reason, as I stare at the pretty colours of the bubbles and watch as the rogue ones settle elsewhere yet fit and mould around each other, it looks so simple. Shit, I've wandered into bubble land.
Best to leave it to soak awhile, will be easier to wash...
... 13.15 ... my body is drained, my mind is swirling, I chuck my books back in the box to keep them all together, and realise the kids will be back fairly soon, its bit late to start anything now.
Keeping a mental list
As I walk around each room of my home I mentally jot things on my 'This shit needs sorting' list, as I soak in the magnitude of jobs unfinished & un-started I really can't think straight.
I'm so tired and think how busy it's going to be in another couple of hours when the kids are back from school and the hubby will be back from work, wanting my attention more than the kids (at times).
I need to be more alert later than now, I think to myself as I crawl back into my super lovely safe cosy bed. my dogs huddle around me and I drift off to sleep to the sounds of their breathing, snoring and farting, who needs essential oils ha!
14:50 I snooze... 14:55 I snooze... 15:00 I wake-up groggy and have a mini panic, wtf are they having for Tea...
Making a meal
I look through the fridge, hmmmm, lots of half empty sauce jars and bread. Veg I get, knowing no-one eats it, but it makes my fridge look adventurous.
Nope, I move on to the cupboard. Shit me why do I even buy this stuff, I can't actually make a meal from any of it, not in 15 minutes when 4 hungry mouths will burst through the front door, each taking guesses at the smell. For clues of what I've put together to pass off as a meal today! Lentils, chickpeas, lasagne sheets! nope nope nope.
The freezer it is then! Oh crap, I really need to go shopping. I know this of course, except I can't go alone I might get approached and have to do small talk!
For this, I need my kids, my little posse of protection...
I cry at my momma bear failings. I dig deep into the freezer and find some Yorkshire puds. Oooo idea flash, I go back to the cupboard pleading for there to be a hidden tin or two of beans and sausages, YESSS there is! I also find a packet of microwave egg fried rice, yessss, bonus..
Perfect, phew, chuck on some grated cheese, that's the kids sorted. None of them will guess this baby...
...15:40...While they are eating I wash the dishes left to soak from earlier, which then fits in lovely as they each finish their meal and bring the empty plates back. This makes me feel like I'm ahead for the first time today...
Arghhhh the laundry, damn it!
I either still put it out on the line so it's out of the way or, I don't acknowledge until I get a better plan!
15:50... hubby has by now joined us and the chaos factor goes up to a whole new level, with the battle of kids v dad. Got to be a follow-up post I reckon ...
Pretty tired now haha...
To be continued...
How does this compare to your day?
It's tough yea?
If you need to rest then = 'That's okay' - 'You matter'... 'Really'...
Take care... Love Jorja x