Mental Health

Suicide! Family! Let down! Let it go!

Suicide! Family! Feud!

I'm allll about families having super close relationships with no pressure and no judgement, being able to have fun without opinions being thrown around and the stubbornness that seems to follow...

Oh my days 

Get over yourself seriously.. Who are you? To judge my role in being The daughter of a Dad that needed support? Who are you, to spread around nasty words about a woman who has lost her husband of almost 40 years? Who are you to discuss and cast aspersions on someone else's marriage?

Do 'you' not accept that we all have different needs, plans and lives. And that actually, its none of your business anyway! So why have you felt the need to treat us this way?

 Is it because we were 'There' maybe?! 

There to take dad to his hospital appointments and when he spoke with his Dr.  We lay with him, comforted him, spoke with him. He was pained, mentally and physically, tears would fill his eyes but he never allowed them to fall.  On the kitchen floor Lying in the foetal position being unable able to talk.. Encouraging him and trying to help him with his unnecessary negative thoughts. He wasn't dad! People could very clearly see he was a seriously different man, it all happened so fast. But you didn't come...

Stunned

When the phone call came I was literally stunned, stood on the landing at home being held by my husband. He had taken the call from the police. 'Your dad has died' he told me softly... I thought they had got it wrong! As we got in the car to go and sort it out I rang him, he didn't answer, I called again, no answer. Arghhh, he never answers the phone!

As we turned into the street of my parents home the scene ahead of me was not expected! The street was taken over by Emergency vehicles. Police officers, Paramedics and Scene of crime officers all walking in and out of my parents home.

What the crikey me is going on, how embarrassing I thought as I was guided into a neighbours house, how do we apologise to all of these officers for such a mix-up! I saw my mom, sitting weird in the living room.

I stormed in to speak with her but a police officer guided us into another room..

I'm sorry, Your dad has died".

I responded quite naively to the detective, "No he hasnt, what is going on, I spoke to him last night".

"He's been found hanged"..  It's definitely him.. I'm sorry...

The people that surrounded us at that devastating time and the time that followed were the wrong people! Yet they were so selfless...

Let Down

You were around for none of it. We asked you to help. Told you all of what was going on with him. You let us down...  You let him down... For what?

Your actions and behaviour towards us have more to say about yourselves & eventually resulting in quite an enlightening experience, so, 'Thank you' I guess... You not being there has truly made me grow, & I know dad would be proud...

Depression is what killed my dad. he was tired. I get it. I saw it, but I couldn't save him...

Family!

I've built my own thanks.

To the ones that were there supporting us... What you all did is something I will always treasure. Your kindness, your actions and your responsiveness was unexpected but so greatly appreciated. It overwhelms me when I think back, you were awesome, Thank you...

So 1 year ago I pressed publish on my blog.

Happy birthday 1st RuralGreyStar.

It was time I began to focus on moving forward and to let go of things I wasn't able to change. This has been one hell of a journey, lots of reflection and changes. But, I am loving it. I aim to post more frequently now I've got used to some of the background work involved!

I wish I knew more about depression at the time my dad needed me. Even if I did know more though, it still may not have been enough. Can you ever know enough? I talk with my kids very openly about mental health and suicide, and it truly helps them with how they accept and help me to manage my own mental illness...

If you are struggling, don't feel that you can't reach out. There are so many groups etc, you need to find 'your tribe'...

End the judgement, End the blame, End the stigma...

Be awesome, Be 'you'.

Love, jorja

RuralGreyStar.com

 

 

2 thoughts on “Suicide! Family! Let down! Let it go!

  1. Rural Grey Star:) Happy Birthday 🎈! Your post is so raw and beautiful. You are destined to help another, and another and in turn, make sense of your pain. Keep going, xo

    1. Yeay thank you, I can’t believe its been 12 months! Feels like its only been that since my dad died! RuralGreyStar is definitely a challenge I’m growing from… much love to you

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