Ways to Overcome being a perfectionist
Personalities of a perfectionist
Do you have a perfectionist personality? Is your perfectionism a problem?
You might not have realised that you even have these traits yet when I answered this it was a definite NO. Turns out I actually am haha.
So be sure to check out the personalities list below before you dart off, just to be sure…
Finding ways to overcome the need to be perfect is still a work in progress, mainly as I just don’t see it!. I fit the criteria yes! But you’d not walk away from me thinking ‘hmmm what a perfectionist!’
Info on Rural Grey Star is all taken from personal experience and super helpful snippets from here there and everywhere. Mainly books from the library which are listed on the resources page taking you directly to the site, probably amazon.
Remember, I ain’t no healthcare provider, but I do enjoy to research what works for our situation that being, a teeny bit crazed, extremely overwhelmed and just wanting the rollercoaster to stop with the speed and loop-the-loops. (Please tell me you’re there haha).
Expect sarcasm too...
Personalities and symptoms of a perfectionist
Doubt own judgement
Lack of confidence
Need for control (not always most obvious)
My need for perfect has been;
Now, it really confuses me being diagnosed a perfectionist like, I purposely use my time in a non-productive way so the times that I have something to complete end up rushed and slightly rugged, no matter what it is. I’m so busy completing them in my mind while wandering from room to room finding random shit (not literally) that needs sorting right at that moment, like completing the kid's chores so they can chill when they get home from school! School is pretty tough now.
Neatness; My house is a shit-hole, not dirty but messy and dis-organised to the outsider, to me my mess is grouped together to be dealt with at a later date! That date will come eventually haha.
Organisation: I try so hard to be organised, but when things are when needed I mostly have to admit that ‘It’s in a safe place’, meaning ‘I don’t know where the fuck I put that’ it depends on what mood I was in, to what group it's with arghhh.
Writing; Is all over the place, no flow, different styles & size per text, pure mess!
Why do we feel this need that everything has to be perfect?
Anything really, sewing/projects, chores and having that constant pressure to do do doopy do. Feeling afraid to complete tasks in-case it’s not perfect, I mean who wants things not sewn or cleaned or whatever completed to a standard of excellence?!
So, things get put off and put off until the deadline is due then, panic, flap and stress. After that, I focus fully and accept the final result, usually finished in the early hours. But, when I do give it one last check I think ‘Who -finished this for me, it’s actually okay?’ … Yet this can’t the case as my lot daren’t touch ‘The Fabric’ haha ya know, plus the husband can’t sew for shit.
Or I think ‘Oh, that wasn’t so bad’. They (Books/Therapists) call the ‘putting things off’ Procrastination.
Finding it hard to maintain previous personal standards is a definite part to tackle, if for whatever reason you need to step back then do so before you crash (not literally, but literally mentally/physically). Getting stuck and overly focused on the silliest parts of a task, zooming in on the few negatives and not knowing when to quit, to then be able to then say ‘I tried and this is the best you get.
Mindfulness helps to zone in on those things
Ways to overcome perfectionism…
Change perfect thinking - What is perfect anyway?! My perfect isn’t your perfect and vice versa, So how can ‘perfect’ be something that we get so held-up on. I no longer put thought into perfect I have kids that trash the house, dogs that drop their fur everywhere, unfinished tasks, projects and to-do piles in every room, a wardrobe full of nothing I want but can’t chuck blah blah blah!
Get things into perspective - Talk yourself through your situation as you would with a friend, out loud too (perhaps when alone, although my kids find it pretty funny when I’m doing this).
Let go of perfect and compromise - Not knowing the outcome doesn’t mean negative. Purposely setting unrealistic goals isn’t helpful either.
Question your values - Are you in line with your values ( surprising how much; knowing my beliefs could keep me on track!).
Relax your standards - What’s the worst that will happen, remember we don’t actually know, as much as we think we do.
If you are struggling to figure out where to begin on your ‘You’ switch-up a therapist could help you to build a plan that could work for you, don’t be too quick to dismiss the idea (I didn't enjoy therapy but had to stick with it, it grew on me). Again, the mindfulness stuff, it really is a lovely tool for creating inner calm. Now I've moved onto deeper meditation and oh my days, just call me Buddha haha.
Basically, learn to be okay about not being ok. You have probably seen this written before and I get the eye-rolling at how cliche it is but I think these cliche sayings literally are code for ‘we worked this shit out years ago luv, just do as the Pinterest quote says’ (not sure who the code is from yet but I’m gonna take it and run, ok perhaps a slow shuffle).
So, let’s ‘Be okay about not being okay! Okay? Also, NO feeling guilty for resting, ‘You’ do deserve it.
Embrace the chance to work your life around ‘You’… You have the chance while you have breath… Starting (or re-starting) NOW…
Love, jorja x